The Culprit Is?
by bijoukaiba
Summary: COMPLETE! An odd crossover that came to me in a dream. It started with a typical mystery at a "typical" spooky mansion. But after one of Mystery Inc. falls ill, can House solve the mystery of the illness plaguing their friend? Romance in Chp. 3...
1. The First Clue

****

The Culprit Is...

bijoukaiba here! Just wanted to say, prepare yourself for a crossover fanfiction like NOTHING you've ever seen done before.

Want some background information? This idea actually came to me in a dream. It was very simple, just a "special" episode of House that actually had a certain cartoon character end up as one of his patients. The next morning, sitting at the bus stop, I started thinking more about it and actually started to develop into a pretty interesting idea.

If you want to get an idea of how this would "look", like if it actually was on TV, then the House crew are all live action, and the Scooby Doo gang are all cartoons. Think like Who Framed Roger Rabbit? , for example.

__

Disclaimer: House and all related characters belong to FOX. Scooby Doo and all related characters belong to Warner Bros. and Hanna-Barbera.

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Chapter 1: The First Clue

The Mystery Machine drove along down the road, as a heavy downpour hammered against the roof of the van.

Fred- currently driving the van- sat up front with Daphne and Velma. In the back, Scooby and Shaggy sat together. Of course, the latter two sat together in the back, already shivering at the thought of exploring a haunted mansion during a terrifying thunderstorm.

"Oh, stop it," Velma scolded, turning to look at them. "you guys are always like this before every mystery!"

"Rut it's reepy," Scooby protested, his shivering stopped. However, it didn't keep him from whimpering.

"And, like, it's not just the mansion," Shaggy added, through chattering teeth, "I feel like a popsicle! Scoob, hand me a blanket, will ya?"

"Rokay." the Great Dane opened a storage box beside him, pulled out a fleece blanket, and draped it over his best friend's shivering form.

"Like, thanks, pal. You're always coming through for me," Shaggy complimented, giving Scooby a good scratch behind the ears. He removed his hand to tuck the blanket closer against his body, so Scooby continued scratching the same spot.

"C'mon, Shaggy," Fred stated, "stop playing the 'I'm feeling sick' card!"

"Like, c'mon yourself! I'm seriously not feeling well! Like, I haven't for the past two weeks!"

Everyone in the van was surprised by Shaggy's sudden outburst. He wasn't normally this crabby.

Daphne turned around to look at him, but didn't say anything. He looked up at her, sighed, then slumped backwards against the wall of the van. She gave him an apologetic shrug, before turning her attention to the road ahead.

The van rattled against the rocky road, and the vibrations shook through his body violently, feeling every bump, rock, possibly every twig the Mystery Machine drove over on the unpaved road. Shaggy closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain in his body.

Much to his relief, the Mystery Machine did stop, but it could not completely soothe his pain.

"Okay, gang. Let's go see what's really going on at the old Evans Mansion..." Fred ordered, stepping out of the van. The girls followed suit, exitting and opening the back doors for Scooby to step out.

Shaggy was last to get out of the van, disappointed in leaving that warm blanket behind. He finally set his two feet uneasily on the ground, taking a few steps forward.

"BLAAAARGGGHHH!!!" Freddy roared behind him. He had hidden behind the side of the van to spook Shaggy as a joke.

"Zoinks!" Shaggy gasped.

"Oh, Freddy... don't be so immature," Velma muttered, shaking her head as her blond friend laughed.

Shaggy clutched feebly at his chest, still trying to catch his breath. His normal breathing had changed to wheezing, and he now felt short of breath.

"Raggy?" Scooby asked. As a dog, his instinct told him something was not right.

"C'mon, Shag! It was just a joke!" Fred insisted. "... Shaggy?"

"Shaggy, what's wrong?" Velma asked, stepping towards him.

The voices around him were warbled, and he no longer recognized his friends around him; there were only warped blobs of brown, purple, white, and orange.

Daphne whipped out her cell phone. Something was definitely wrong- this was more serious than _any_ mystery they had tried to solve.

The warped blobs twisted and mixed into the gray sky. Shaggy couldn't take this anymore. He fell onto his knees as his friends rushed to his side, concerned. At last, his body had had enough. He collapsed forward onto his stomach, still short of breath.

Scooby was whimpering beside him, Fred and Velma were calling his name, and he could barely make out Daphne's voice.

"Hello? 9-1-1? We need help! Something's wrong with my friend, he's having trouble breathing, and I... I think he's going to faint!"

Daphne couldn't have been more right.

Shaggy heard Scooby whimper his name one last time...

... before everything went black.


	2. The PrincetonPlainsboro Problem

****

bijoukaiba: So, we're back with Chapter 2, in what will likely be a short summer fanfic for fun.

Disclaimer: House is the property of FOX. Scooby-Doo is the property of Warner Bros. and Hanna-Barbera.

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Chapter 2: The Princeton-Plainsboro Problem

Dr. House peered out of Dr. Cuddy's office. He had never seen anything like _them_ before. Visitors, or even patients on their way to discharge, sometimes gave them a second glance but otherwise ignored them.

"The patient is Mr. Norville Rogers, known to his friends as 'Shaggy'. He checked in late last night after having dyspnea and syncope."

"Look at them. They're like giant paper dolls out there. Almost like a special cut-out from the back of a Cap'n Crunch cereal box..."

"House," Cuddy stated his name, folding her arms.

"I don't treat cartoons. I never completed my degree in 'interdimensional and fictional medicine'," the diagnostic expert frowned. "How _did_ they get here anyway?"

"I'll admit I agree with you," Cuddy sighed. "It is strange. But what matters is that they're here now, and want treatment for their friend."

House shuffled through his pockets for his Vicodin container in frustration and popped a pill into his mouth before hoisting himself up onto his cane and exiting the office.

"You must be Dr. House?" Fred asked.

"I see you've heard of me," the doctor remarked nonchalantly.

"Yes, we're-" Velma started, before Dr. House cut her off.

"Mystery Inc. With Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Velma, Fred, and Daphne. Of course I know you. Your friend isn't exactly feeling 'like, groovy,' so we'll have to run a few tests on him."

"Row rany?"

"How many tests?" House replied, looking down at the Great Dane. "Don't know. We've only got a handful of symptoms to work with."

Scooby scratched at his ear nervously.

"But you can help him... can't you?" Daphne pleaded.

"I'm not too familiar with cartoon medicine. Should've gone to Dr. Strange for that. But if we treat him like a normal human, we can probably figure something out."

A sigh of relief passed between the Mystery Inc. gang.

"By the way, you might want to keep your dog somewhere else," House added.

"Don't worry about Scooby. He's well-trained and well-behaved," Fred reassured.

"I could tell. He TALKS. But as for patients allergic to normal dog hair, there's no telling how they'd react to _cartoon_ dog hair."

"Sorry, Scooby. He has a point," Velma put in.

Scooby whimpered, but had to agree. He scratched at his ear one more time before following her outside. Fred and Daphne decided to stay and wait for updates on Shaggy.

"As for your friend..." House commented, "He's still out of it, but his breathing is returning to normal. I'm going to consult my team about starting those tests, now. Excuse me."

With a slight limp in his step, he maneuvered past them with his cane. Fred and Daphne exchanged a concerned glance, before taking a seat next to each other.

"I shouldn't have startled him," Fred mourned, releasing a deep breath.

"It probably isn't your fault," Daphne said, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "We won't know until the tests come back."

The blond's expression lifted slightly, placing an affectionate arm around her shoulders.

"Thanks, Daph. At least you're on my side," he said with a smile.

"... Of course," Daphne replied, folding her hands in her lap. She kept her eyes on her hands, unable to look at him.

**--------------------------------------------------**

The white board in the meeting room now held a list of symptoms- "Syncope, dyspnea, mood swings, chills"

"This is ridiculous," Dr. Chase muttered. "He's a _cartoon character_ for goodness sake!"

"Well, I'd like to doodle a bottle of the 'elixir of life' for him," House retorted, "But we have to treat him like a real human while he's here."

"Sounds like CFS," Foreman pointed out, studying the symptoms.

"There's at least seven different subtypes. If he's got something fatal instead, we might not have time to test for each of them," Cameron objected.

"Test him anyway. For each one," House replied. "We'll also try a drug test on him. If the Scooby Doo cartoon started around the 60s and 70s, there's no telling what he's tried." **(1)**

"We need more information," Chase insisted. "More about his background."

"_Great _idea," House remarked sarcastically. "Foreman, test Rogers for CFS. Cameron, you'll run drug tests. And Chase, you'll watch the local cartoon channel. See what you can find out about our cowardly patient."

Everyone except Chase left the room, whether to perform tests on a certain patient or to check on the others in the hospital. Sitting alone, he finally asked the silent atmosphere, "_Excuse me?_"

**-----------------------------------------------------------**

Cameron came into Shaggy's room, bringing with her a tray with test tubes for the diagnostic laboratory and a sterile needle within its sealed packaging.

"How are you feeling?" she asked gently.

Shaggy shook his head. "Like, still miserable."

"Well, that's why I'm here to run some tests. I'm going to need to take some blood samples-"

"Like, no way!" Shaggy suddenly sat up in a burst of energy, clutching his arms against his body. "I'll do any other test! Anything but needles!"

Cameron gently gestured for him to recline back into his bed. Shaggy released a sigh as he lowered himself back into bed, now appearing slightly upset.

"Like, I just want to go home."

"I know you're not feeling well, but the blood test is the fastest way to figure out what's bothering you," Chase explained. She thought for a moment, then thought of a way to 'bargain' with her animated patient. "If I get you a sandwich, will you let me take a sample?"

"I'm not hungry," Shaggy replied softly.

Chase's brow furrowed. She hadn't watched a lot of _Scooby-Doo_ growing up, but if there was one thing she knew about the show, it was that Shaggy (and Scooby) was always hungry. Something was _definitely_ wrong. She made a mental note to record the "loss of appetite" on the symptoms board.

"Like, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Cameron replied.

"Is it all right if, like, one of my friends comes in?"

"As long as they're all right with it; you could have a very contagious or very serious illness. If that's the case, it probably would be best if they didn't,"

Shaggy didn't reply, but looked sadly at the foot of his bed.

Cameron stepped out of his room, looking around the hallway. The only 'cartoon' figure she spotted was Daphne.

"Where's your friend?" she asked.

"Freddie? He just left to use the restroom, so he'll be back in a sec. Why, did you need to see him?"

"Shaggy just wanted to see one of his friends. However, I had to explain that he could have a very contagious or very serious illness, so I must warn you-"

"It's all right. I don't mind," Daphne replied. She sounded as casual as if Cameron had asked her to hold a small stack of papers.

"Are you sure? We don't know how bad his illness is, you might have to dress in protective gear for your safety if-"

"It doesn't bother me. Please, just let me go in to see him," Daphne requested.

She almost seemed to be pleading to see her ill friend in a similar manner that he had begged to visit one of his healthy friends.

Cameron was silent for a moment, then finally nodded and granted her access to his room. Remembering the patient's right to privacy, she respectfully closed the door behind Daphne. Also recalling the 'we don't know how bad his illness is' speech she had made to the red-head, she made her way down the hallway towards one of the hand sanitizer dispensers. After getting a squirt and spreading it over her hands and wrists, she suddenly heard footsteps, moving quickly down the hallway. It sounded like they were getting closer. Turning around, she saw the same girl running towards her.

"Please, help!" she begged, desperately grabbing Cameron's arm. "He told me he started having a really bad headache, and when I went to put a hand on his forehead to comfort him... he felt really hot, like he had a bad fever!"

Cameron ran down the hallway, Daphne by her side, dashing into Shaggy's room. They arrived in time to hear him release a cry of pain, one hand gripping his hair, the other digging into the bed sheets. Daphne went to his side immediately, gently holding onto his hand. Cameron went into a supply cabinet and pulled out an electronic thermometer with a new sanitary cover.

"Shaggy, I need you to hold this under your tongue, but don't bite it, okay?" Cameron asked.

The beatnik didn't reply, but did open his mouth enough for the doctor to place the thermometer under his tongue. Cameron stood there silently, waiting for the read-out, while Shaggy moaned in pain and Daphne gently stroked his hand to comfort him. At last, a beep came from the thermometer. Cameron gently removed it and read the numbers.

101.8 degrees.

He was definitely getting up there in terms of temperature.

"Shaggy, look at me. How bad would you say your pain is on a scale from 1-10?"

He opened his eyes to look at the doctor.

"Like, definitely a 10. Maybe even an 11," he answered between gritted teeth.

Cameron almost completely ignored the numbers. What caught her attention was his eyes. The whites had started to take on a yellowish tint.

"Is something wrong, doc?" Shaggy asked.

"I think it's your liver," she remarked softly. "I'll have to find some pain reliever medicine that doesn't have any side effects on it. Miss Daphne, I would highly suggest - actually, I request - that you leave the room with me and wash your hands."

Daphne looked sadly back down at her friend, then gently let her hand leave his. She followed Cameron outside.

**-------------------------------------------------------**

After a safe pain reliever had been administered, the group of doctors met again an hour later. Chase had been watching an episode of Scooby-Doo with an ape man as the criminal. He turned the TV off to speak with his associates.

"He's developing new symptoms," Cameron stated, writing 'loss of appetite', 'severe headache', 'fever', and 'opthalmic jaundice' on the white board.

"If he's got jaundice, something could be going wrong with his liver," Foreman stated.

"It doesn't explain his respiratory symptoms," House debated.

"Hepatitis sometimes has flu-like symptoms," Foreman argued.

"I've spoken with his friends, and they've all said that the most alcohol he's had to drink in the past three years is a glass or two of champagne at New Year's," Cameron put in.

"Hepatitis doesn't just come from alcohol-related liver damage. It can also be spread sexually," House added.

"He won't let me get near him with a needle for testing, though," Cameron frowned. "And I don't really know if he would have a lover, seeing as he's a cartoon character..."

"Try Velma," Chase suggested. "Other than Scooby, she's the only character that gets paired off with him to search for clues. There might be something going on,"

"If anything, we could also explain that it's for her own safety, to make sure she hasn't contracted any illnesses from him," Cameron supported.

"I'll handle the testing. Cameron, make sure our cartoon hippie is still feeling well. Chase, turn on the TV and keep researching," House ordered.

Foreman left to check his neurological patients, Cameron went to check on Shaggy, Chase rolled his eyes and turned the cartoons on (just as Shaggy caught a picture of the ape-man without his mask), and House left to search for the famous glasses-wearing detective of the Scooby-Doo crew.

** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**(1) As far as continuity is concerned, I'm treating every major season of the Scooby Doo series with all or most of the gang, _minus_ the movies_,_ "A Pup Named Scooby-Doo", and the WB ones(in other words, the 'major series' are "Where Are You?", "The Scooby Doo Show", "The All-New Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo Show", "The New Scooby-Doo Mysteries", and "The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby-Doo"), as one year. I pictured the gang being upperclassmen in high school when Scooby Doo started ("Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?"), with Fred and Shaggy at 18, and Daphne and Velma at 17. So add 1, then 3, then 1, then 1, and 1 again. Shaggy and Fred are 24, and Daphne and Velma are 23 in this story.**

**bijoukaiba: I actually threw in a little bit of foreshadowing and, in a sense, "symbolism" for a later part of the story. But what is it? And if you think you caught the symbol and foreshadowing, then what does it mean? What is it leading up to?**

**I sure hope Shaggy will be okay...**


	3. It's Not You It's Her

**bijoukaiba: Sorry it's been so long! I've been away in Nashville and the Florida Keys.**

**Disclaimer: House is the property of FOX. Scooby-Doo belongs to Hanna-Barbera and Warner Bros.**

**------------------------------------**

**Chapter 3: It's Not You… It's Her**

Scooby paced outside the hospital anxiously, waiting for his friend to return from her meeting.

Inside, Dr. House had requested Velma's presence in one of the exam rooms.

"So… what do you need me for again?" she asked the doctor, swinging her legs as she sat in one of the chairs.

"I'm going to need a blood sample from you. I'm testing to make sure you're not sharing more than just Scooby Snacks with your friend."

"Wait a minute," Velma replied indignantly. "Are you implying that I'm the reason Shaggy got sick?"

House shrugged coolly. "Well, you know what they say… what happens in the van, stays in the van."

Velma's mouth dropped open, an embarrassed blush filling her cheeks. "I did no such thing! Shaggy and I are just friends!"

"In that case, you should have nothing to worry about," he gestured for her to hold out her arm as he prepped the needle and tubes. She scowled at him, rolling back the sleeve of her sweater for him to insert the point. The detective flinched as the doctor placed the needle under her cartoon skin. Much to House's surprise, the tube was filling up with what looked like normal blood. After collecting a standard sample, he closed the tube and removed the needle, placing a gauze pad over the wound site.

"Hold it there," House instructed as he disposed of the needle in a sharps container. He finally went over to a small container and pulled out a bandage, placing it over the gauze and her skin. "I'm going to run this down to the lab now. The results should be back tomorrow morning. You're free to go."

Velma glared at him silently as she stood up, tenderly applying pressure to her bandage.

"Look, I'm sorry," he apologized. "We ran out of lollipops yesterday."

She actually smiled briefly at the joke, but shook it off, briskly leaving. As she went, House heard her muttering something under her breath about 'Shaggy', 'friends', 'Fred', and 'more my type'.

**-------------------------------------**

Shaggy stayed overnight at the hospital, where his vital signs were monitored every four hours. The rest of the gang stayed at a hotel near the hospital, Fred and Scooby in one room, the girls in the other.

Velma met up with Fred and Scooby the next morning in the hallway.

"Morning, guys," she greeted. "How'd you sleep?"

"Great," Fred replied, stretching his arms over his head.

"Reah," Scooby added, scratching behind his ear. "Row 'bout rou?"

"Me? I slept pretty well, but I don't know about Daphne," Velma responded, then grimaced. "I woke up around six, when I heard her in the bathroom. It sounded like she was throwing up."

Fred and Scooby cringed. Moments later, Daphne came out of the room, appearing perfectly healthy and carrying a pie tin with aluminum foil covering it.

"Um, Daphne?" Velma addressed her. "Maybe you shouldn't go with us today…"

"You heard me in the bathroom? Oh, how embarrassing…" Daphne appeared ashamed of herself. "… But, I feel fine now. I think I got sick because I've been under so much stress lately. I had trouble falling asleep last night, because I was just so worried…" her voice trailed off, as she caught sight of Scooby eyeing the tin in her hands.

"This?" she asked, following Scooby's gaze. She smiled and folded back the foil. "Cameron told me Shaggy didn't have much of an appetite and wasn't eating much. So, I whipped up a fresh 'Shaggy Snack' this morning. I thought maybe, if I prepared another one of these for him, it might interest him in eating something."

Fred frowned at it. "There's a small slice missing…"

Daphne giggled, blushing slightly. "Well… for some reason, I was in the mood for meat at breakfast, but I was also craving chocolate. And with pepperoni, anchovies, cherries, and chocolate sauce… well, let's just say it has my seal of approval."

Fred and Velma exchanged a surprised look; Scooby appeared slightly jealous, a few drops of drool pooling in the corners of his mouth.

"… But, that doesn't really matter now. Let's just go to the hospital and see how Shaggy's doing," Daphne stated.

**-------------------------**

"The tests came back negative," Cameron stated, handing the lab report to House.

"Damn it," the doctor muttered. "Now what?"

Chase shrugged, toying with a pen in his hands.

"Hey, detective!" House called. "You're supposed to be getting clues!"

"Well, Scooby-Doo isn't on right now! There's some other show with a kid with messy black hair," Chase argued.

House turned the TV on, watching the cartoon channel load. At last, it finally came up, showing a werewolf with short red hair and dressed in a purple jacket with matching pants. The screen then panned across to the same kid Chase had mentioned, as well as a smaller puppy, Scooby, and Shaggy.

"_Gee, Daphne, you're sure in a lousy mood!"_ the puppy complained.

"That's… Daphne?" Chase asked. House gave him an 'I-told-you-so' look.

"_Then why not try some Lotsa Luck Joy Juice?" _the child suggested. On the screen, the cork in the bottle the child was holding popped out, causing some of the contents to splash on the werewolf. The creature flinched, but reverted back into a normal human in a flash.

"_Raphne! Rit's rou!"_ Scooby exclaimed.

"I don't get it, where's Fred and Velma?" Chase asked, puzzled.

"_Hey! That stuff really works, FlimFlam!" _the puppy pointed out. The younger boy turned forward, seeming to address the viewers.

"_You heard it, folks! Another satisfied customer!"_ FlimFlam stated.

House didn't pay much attention to the dialogue in the next scene. The only thing he cared about was the fact that Daphne went over and shared an embrace with Shaggy, much to the surprise of everyone in the room. The doctor exchanged a look with Cameron.

"You don't suppose…" she commented, her voice trailing off.

**---------------------------**

Fred eyed the doctors in front of him incredulously. Seated next to him was Daphne, who kept her eyes on her hands, folded together and resting on her knee. They had already visited Shaggy and had given him his personalized snack, although he still wasn't feeling very hungry. Velma had already received the results of her test, and was waiting outside the hospital with Scooby.

"… You're kidding, right?" the blond asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She's the only other girl in the group. It's only logical," Cameron explained.

"But there's no way Daphne gave the illness to Shaggy! There's no relationship at all between them!" Fred protested.

"And the only way to prove that is by testing her," House retorted.

"There's no way she's going to do it! I always take Daphne with me when we split up to look for clues. She's my girlfriend, and –"

"Freddie, stop." Daphne ordered, her voice solemn.

"Daph?"

"Listen, Fred… " she took a deep breath. "Just because I agree to go with you to look for clues… doesn't mean we're a couple."

It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He didn't look at her – he _couldn't_ look at her – after Daphne had made her statement. She turned to the doctors in front of her.

"Okay, here's the story. For a while, everyone in the gang was just friends. But around the time we split up three years ago, when Velma went to work for NASA, and Freddie, you were focusing on writing mystery novels…" Daphne's voice softened. "… Around that time… Shaggy and I started dating. A year and a half after that, we decided to start living together."

Before the two doctors could ask, Daphne blushed heavily and answered their question. "… Yes, a few times we… well… you know what I mean. The last time was about two or three months ago, about a week before we broke up. Fred and Velma were interested in starting to solve mysteries again, and Shaggy and I agreed that having a relationship might interfere with our duties to the gang."

Fred's mouth was hanging wide open. He had never known what had happened during those past few years.

"Test me for any illnesses you want. I'll take all of them. I'll do _anything_ to make him feel better." Daphne stated fearlessly.

Her mood shifted suddenly. She now appeared calmer, with a softer blush on her cheeks. Daphne lowered her eyes sadly – not out of shame, but out of concern – to the floor.

"… _I still love him._"

Cameron and House were silent after her speech.

"… Come with me," the female doctor directed. "I'll take you to an exam room to take a blood test."

Daphne stood up silently, without looking at Fred. He didn't look at her either, still in shock from the whole incident. After the girls left the room, House released a breath of exasperation.

"Wow. The girl you thought was your girlfriend was in love with a different guy all along?" the doctor shook his head. "It sucks to be you, pal."

Fred frowned at the doctor as he walked off to check on his cartoon patient.

Taking a seat in the exam room, Daphne rolled back her sleeve, ready for the blood test. Her eyes shifted uncomfortably as Cameron prepared the needle. When the doctor finally approached, the red-haired girl looked her in the eyes.

"I was wondering… if I could request another test as well…"

**--------------------------------------------**

Shaggy was getting worse. He hadn't slept a wink, and even with a darkened room, he still couldn't sleep that afternoon, or the following night.

House groaned as he read over the results from lab the next morning. Daphne was negative on all of her tests.

"If he didn't get it sexually, then the only other explanation is sharing needles, likely for drug use," Chase suggested, turning his attention away from 'A Pup Named Scooby Doo'.

"But he's terrified of needles, and he has no history of drug use except for a few drinks every New Year's Eve," Cameron argued.

"Then maybe he's had another partner. Like Betty Boop or something. Boop-oop-a-doop!" House muttered, frustrated.

"Oh God, please." Chase groaned. "If I have to hear one more cartoon catchphrase…"

"Awww, what's wrong?" House asked sarcastically. "Don't tell me you're sick of 'Scooby-Dooby-Doo!'"

House froze suddenly, a thought racing through his mind. "Sick… of Scooby…" He limped off as fast as he could with his cane, heading towards the entrance of the hospital.

After he had left, Cameron paged through the lab report. House was wrong; one test had come back positive.

**---------------------**

**bijoukaiba: I can't believe I wrote this whole thing in one day.**

**Shaaaaagggyyy!!! Please, like, get well soon! GO HOUSE, SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF SHAGGY'S ILLNESS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! D8**

**And what is this strange test that Daphne wanted to take...? What if she's ALSO getting sick?!**


	4. The Unlikeliest Suspect

**bijoukaiba: Well, what do you know? Is it possible? Have we really reached the final chapter of TCI? I did say this would be a short fanfic, a good summer-long project. Yay!**

**Disclaimer: ****House**** is the property of FOX. ****Scooby-Doo**** is the property of Warner Bros. and Hanna Barbera.**

**------------------------------**

**Chapter 4: The Unlikeliest Suspect**

"House? What are you doing?" Cuddy asked, briskly exiting her office.

The doctor was walking down the hallway to his office, with Scooby Doo by his side. He stopped when she addressed him, glanced down at his companion, and then back at her.

"Oh, you know. Just going to have a conversation with a cartoon dog. What's so strange about that?" he remarked with a shrug.

"I thought you said you didn't want dogs in the hospital. _I _don't want them in here either," Cuddy stated, folding her arms.

"I don't. The only exceptions are seeing eye dogs, and ones that speak English. Speech impediments or not," the diagnostic doctor huffed. "C'mon, Scooby."

The Great Dane glanced timidly up at Cuddy, before following the doctor. "… Rokay."

------------------------------

Daphne stepped quietly outside the hospital for a moment, explaining to her friends that she was going to call her parents because she needed some more comfort after everything that had happened.

The lie worked.

Daphne dialed the number for Dr. Cameron's office. Relieving some of her anxiety, the _real_ doctor answered, not voicemail or a secretary.

"Dr. Cameron speaking,"

"Hello, Doctor? This is Daphne Blake,"

"I had a feeling it was you," the doctor smiled on the other end. "You want to know how everything turned out?"

Daphne nodded, but realized the doctor couldn't see her. "Um, yes!"

"You were negative for any STDs, negative for cirrhosis, and negative for all forms of hepatitis."

"That's good," Daphne sighed with relief. "So… what about my… other test?"

"That one… came back positive."

Daphne fell silent on the other end. She made her way over to a bench and sat down, feeling slightly woozy.

"Miss Blake, don't worry. We offer counseling for this sort of thing. I can give you the number for -"

"It's okay. I should have seen this coming. I don't know if I want counseling just yet. I might need a few days. You know, to wait and see what happens."

"All right. Is that everything you wanted to ask?"

"Yes, Doctor. Thank you. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

-------------------------

"Welcome to my office, Scooby Doo. Did you know, it was said that this hospital was built on a plot of land originally intended to be a graveyard? There was only one grave, and my office was built on top of it."

House gestured to a seat in front of his desk, but Scooby didn't move, trembling in fear.

"Ruh-ruh-ruh-really?"

"No, of course not. Sit," House sat down behind his desk, while Scooby Doo sat, human-like, upon a foldable chair.

"I'm no veterinarian, but I thought I'd ask anyway. How have _you_ been feeling, Scooby Doo?"

"Me? Rorried. 'Bout Raggy. But ralso realthy," Scooby replied.

"Of course you're worried about Shaggy. But, you're feeling healthy?"

"Reah," Scooby replied.

"Perfectly healthy. Nothing wrong or unusual?" House interrogated.

"Ruh-uh," Scooby replied. He shifted himself to sit like a dog to scratch behind his ear. House raised an eyebrow.

"I've noticed you've been scratching your ear a lot. Does it itch a lot?"

"Reah," Scooby responded, setting his ear down. "Roes that rount as runusual?"

"Of course it does," House groaned. "Want me to scratch your ears?"

Scooby appeared surprised by such a kind gesture. "Res, rease!"

Unsure of what to expect when he touched the canine, House cautiously laid his hand on Scooby's head. The dog might have appeared animated, but his fur certainly felt realistic. Amazed, the doctor actually stroked Scooby's fur a few times before turning his attention to the dog's ears.

Scooby did not feel the doctor scratching him; rather, his fingers seemed to be gently palpating the area, as though searching for something. House finally stopped after finding a small lump at the base of Scooby's ear.

"'Jinkies!'" House remarked wryly to Scooby, "I think this mystery's all wrapped up."

He stood up and walked over to his desk, where he removed a pair of forceps and a plastic container for lab specimens.

"You're going to feel a little bit of pain, like pinching. I can't offer you any Scooby Snacks, so… just do it for your friend."

"Ror Raggy," Scooby agreed, holding still. He squeezed his eyes shut, wincing in pain as he felt a tough pinch, then a yanking sensation at the base of his ears. Oh, he wanted to howl so badly! But he kept his voice down to a whimper. Suddenly, the pain was all gone. Scooby sighed in relief. His ear didn't feel itchy anymore, but there was some slight tenderness in the base of it.

"There you have it, ladies and gentlemen," House announced to no one in particular. Scooby watched him make his 'speech' to himself. "The culprit is… Mr. Charles Tickens, guilty of Lyme disease!"

Sure enough, Scooby could see a small tick in the grasp of the forceps. The doctor placed the tick into the container and sealed it.

"A rick?"

"Yes, a tick," the doctor replied. "They're mostly found on dogs, obviously, but when humans spend a lot of time with them – like you and Shaggy, for instance – they can climb onto them and make them sick."

"Rut… I ron't reel sick,"

"It's interesting. I've heard sometimes dogs have a good immunity against tick illnesses. If that's true for normal dogs here, who knows what it means for cartoon ones. You might also have just been a middleman – an infected tick climbs on you, you jump on Shaggy when you're scared, tick climbs onto him, bites him, makes him sick. There's probably a bull's-eye rash on one of his shoulders underneath his hospital gown where he was bitten."

Scooby's tail hung between his legs and he sighed sadly. "So… rit's my rault Raggy's sick?"

"No, not at… actually, yes, it probably is," House concluded. "… But it's also thanks to you, that we found out what made him ill, and now we can help him get better."

Scooby's ears perked up, and he wagged his tail with a smile.

"We'll start Rogers on doxycycline. It's a useful antibiotic against Lyme disease and other tick-borne infections," House decided, then looked at Scooby. "And as for your tick problem, try using some specially formulated 'rampoo'."

The dog grinned.

**-------------------------------**

Shaggy had been more than willing to take the antibiotic – it was oral rather than an injection. It wasn't a miracle pill, as Cameron had explained, but he would definitely start feeling better as the week went by. Perhaps it was a miracle; Shaggy's appetite had returned enough for him to finish his Shaggy Snack, as well as half of his hospital dinner, and he slept well that night. Maybe it wasn't a miracle pill, maybe the idea of feeling better had motivated him enough to eat and sleep.

As he awakened the next morning, he spotted something purple in his room. He stretched his arms with a groan and blinked away his sleepiness. With his eyes clear, he now recognized the figure as the one person – in terms of humans – he wanted to see most.

"Daphne?"

She had nodded off in a chair beside his bed – she must have gotten here early to see him – but stirred at the sound of her name.

"Did you just wake up?" she asked, stretching her arms.

"Like, yeah. I slept all night. Went to bed at ten, woke up at…." He glanced at the clock in his room. "… Nine-thirty."

"Scooby asked me to tell you hello, and to get well soon," Daphne commented.

"And, like, what about Fred and Velma?"

"They were relieved to know that you're going to get better. Now they want to turn attention back to chasing ghosts," Daphne shook her head with a smile. "But Fred and Velma really do wish you the best."

"But you didn't go with them?" Shaggy asked. "Like, you were always the instigator to go solve a mystery when it was just you, me, Scooby, and Scrappy."

"That may be true, but…" Daphne reached down and gently took Shaggy's hand into her own. "… I've learned that some things are more important than solving a mystery."

The tender moment had finally gotten to her. The sensation made her feel like she was going to explode. She found herself telling him what she had kept on her mind for nearly the past two months.

"I still love you," she confessed.

Shaggy summoned his strength to sit up. He gently took her hand into both of his and looked her directly in the eyes.

"I still love you, too," he replied.

Daphne leaned closer to Shaggy.

For the first time in almost seven weeks, she kissed him.

-------------------------------

"Do you think she's told him by now?" Chase asked outside the closed door.

"I don't think so. She said she wanted a few days to think about this. Really, I think she's just focusing on rebuilding her relationship with Norv… Shaggy," Cameron replied.

"Agh… " Chase groaned. "I will be so glad when he finally leaves. If I _ever _have to watch an episode of Scooby-Doo again…"

They turned from the door and walked down the hallway.

"Well, give them time. Give him time to recover, and give her some time to tell him," Cameron replied. "She might be a little excited, but at the same time, she's probably very nervous about telling him he's going to be a father."

**----------------------------------**

The Mystery Machine might have had the appearance of a cartoon vehicle, but it still took up a whole parking space outside the hospital. Freddie and Velma sat in the front seat together, already itching to return to solve the mystery at the Evans Mansion. However, someone was making them wait.

"C'mon, Scoob," Fred protested. "He's not gonna come say goodbye."

"Res he is!" the Great Dane countered.

"No, he's not," Velma argued. "He didn't like any of us. The clues add up. He's not going to-"

The sight of the hospital doors opening, and a familiar doctor of diagnostic medicine walking out on his cane silenced her.

"Roctor Rouse!" Scooby cheered.

"Yeah, it's me," Dr. House replied. "Did you want to see me for something?"

"I… I rust really ranted to say… rank rou. Ror relping Raggy."

The animated Great Dane held out a paw to shake. House was surprised by this gesture, but he slowly took Scooby's paw and shook. Despite being a dog, the grip of his paw still felt human, even if it was furry.

"Rou're the rest," Scooby complimented.

"And don't you forget it," House replied.

The Great Dane chuckled, before turning and climbing into the Mystery Machine. House watched in wonder as the animated vehicle drove off, to solve another mystery.

"_Scooby-Dooby-Doooo!_"

A small smile crossed House's face as he heard the famous cartoon catchphrase just as the van drove out of sight.

It changed to a smirk as he made a note to purchase a box set of the Scooby-Doo cartoons on DVD. Chase's birthday _was _in a few weeks…

**-----------------------------------------**

**bijoukaiba: The End! Ehhh, House seemed a bit too "smile-y" at the ending, but then again, wouldn't you be interested at the chance to shake hands with a 'real' cartoon character?**

**One thing I found interesting is that Cameron was one of the doctors on the show that I didn't pay a lot of attention to, because House's sarcasm is the best, Foreman is a neurologist (I have a neurological disorder), and everyone is distracted by Chase's pretty face. And yet, she played almost as big a role as House did in this fanfic, Foreman did pretty much nothing, and Chase was indirect comic relief. Poor Wilson, he didn't even get a cameo! But, I didn't really have any place to put him…**

**LOL, I can just see it…. (bonus mini-ending scene)**

_Two weeks passed since Shaggy was first admitted to the hospital. About three days ago, he was finally discharged after recovering from Lyme disease. He went home healthy and excited at the news that he would be a father. But the major focus right now is on the Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital…_

_In the doctor's lounge…_

_Foreman: (takes a slice of cake) Happy birthday, Chase!_

_Cameron: (swallows a bite of cake) So, how many candles were on your cake this year?_

_Chase: (wipes his mouth) Eh, I'd rather not count. So, what did you guys get me?_

_Wilson: (hands Chase a large box wrapped in red paper) House said he was busy with a patient right now, but he wanted you to open this first._

_Chase: (starts unwrapping it) It's probably hair gel or make-up, as some sort of joke. (stares at it in horror)_

_Cuddy: So? What is it?_

_Chase: (holds up "All Three Seasons of 'The Scooby Doo Show' Box Set") … … … HOUSE!!!_

**bijoukaiba: Thank you all for reading "The Culprit Is…", have a nice day!**


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